Q. 281: Gurudev, as far as married women are concerned, how should we strike a balance between our parents and our husbands? Please guide.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

First of all, I don't think they are in conflict. Even if it appears to be, don’t accept that there is a conflict. When you think there is a conflict, that is when you struggle. If there appears to be a conflict then with skill bring them together. Say all nice things about your parents to your husband and all nice things about your husband to your parents. Usually girls start complaining sometimes unknowingly or unconsciously about her in-laws or her husband to her parents and the parents get even more worried.

Many times parents come and tell me, ‘Guruji, my daughter is suffering so much!’ I just look at them and say, ‘don’t take whatever she says as 100% gospel truth. She is just pouring out her feelings.’ Sometimes you have some problems and you just pour it all out, but actually it may not be that big a problem. People like talking, so when they start talking you don’t know how the horse runs! Your imagination tends to run higher. Sometimes you try to get some sympathy and some attention from people and so you go on complaining. Just like someone has a disease and they make it so big when they express it to you.

Often non-sadhaks do this. People who do not have enough wisdom, they exaggerate the problem, because it just gives them a sort of satisfaction that people are giving them attention. And parents tend to see the problem as much bigger when their children complain because they are more concerned. -So I tell them, ‘when your daughter complains take it with a pinch of salt. Accept only 60% of what she says; leave a margin of 40%. You will find out the truth.’ You have to hear both sides of the story. When you meet her in-laws and ask them, ‘is my daughter behaving okay at home?’ They won’t say anything, if they are decent people they will say, ’no she is fine.’ So whenever a person complains, whatever they complain, even they themselves do not believe in it 100%. Always there is an exaggeration; there is a margin that you must leave. And truth lies in that margin!

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