Q. 243: Gurudev, how can I free myself from the polarity of dependence and independence, so that I would be free for real?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

There is nothing called total independence in life. Forget about it. If you are thinking I want to be totally independent you are not. Until the age of 15, 16 or 17 years you were not independent. You were born dependent. Somebody had to lift you up. Somebody had to change your diapers. Somebody had to wash you. Somebody had to feed you. Somebody had to bathe you, put you to bed. You were born dependent and in the end will also remain dependent.

When you die you are not going to cremate your body. When you are sick somebody has to attend to you. You cannot operate yourself. You cannot be your own doctor. After 50 – 60 years, it becomes so obvious that you are dependent on somebody. To some extent you can't say I am totally independent. Somebody has to do something for you. Just the fact that you pay them some bills, it doesn’t mean you have become independent. You are just getting it done as an exchange. You are helping them a little bit but you are still dependent on them. Suppose no one wants your bills, nobody wants to work for you, what will happen to you? Because you have some paper bills and people want those currency bills it gives you an illusion that you are independent.

Money gives you a false notion that you are independent. You may have money, but what if nobody wants money, then what will happen to you? You are dependent. So life is a swing between independence and dependence. At the same time you are independent to think, you are independent to act, you are independent to have a say over your feelings, control your feelings, if you want to feel good, it is your choice. If you want to feel bad it is your choice.

You should listen to the Ashtavakra knowledge. I have spoken about it in this. Life is a combination of both independence and dependence. If you want to be kind you are totally independent to be kind. If you want to have good manners you are totally independent to have good manners. It doesn’t depend on others. If you want to speak sweetly, it's totally dependent on you to do that. If you want to blame somebody or be rude to others you are totally independent to do so. You have to choose what you want to be independent about and what you want to put yourself through.

You may think financially you are independent, but I tell you if you cannot endure certain derogatory remarks from one of your friends or family or someone, you are not independent. If someone blames you or tells you bad things about yourself then you will come to know how independent or dependent you are. If you are really independent then nothing can bother you. You move with zeal, with vision, with a smile.

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